Ever get into a funk where you feel pretty lonely, unloved, or just down? I tend to have a few of these days every month, where it feels like no one is there for me and I am so weak and I crave connection and love to "fix me."
When I am in the middle of it, it certainly doesn't feel like a lie. I am convinced that everyone is selfish and doesn't care about me, and isn't tuned in to what I need. I fixate on all the things that aren't happening, or aren't there. Where I have fallen short, where others have fallen short. But. Reality Check: We are all imperfect beings in an imperfect world and nearly no one is purposely shafting anyone, especially in the love department.
I have wounds from the past which make me vulnerable to fall into the pit of feeling unloved. It's a program that my subconscious wrote a long time ago when I was in a situation that I didn't have the resources to navigate and so the pattern and the script I repeated was "I am not worthy of love", as a (flawed) logical deduction from the situation at hand. The true reality of the situation was much more complicated than that and I've since learned that it actually had very little to do with me, and certainly nothing to do with my worthiness of love. But, those programs take a lot of effort to deconstruct! In moments of weakness it is second nature to jump to them like a well-worn path that feels familiar and ironically comforting, if not also miserable. It takes vigilance to wake up from the automatic execution of these patterns and stop them from barreling forward into a pit of self-deprecation.
We all have wounds from some thing or another from the past that are connected to lies that we repeat to ourselves. These things can pop up in present day in odd places, in the midst of healthy relationships: a re-enactment of old footage in present day. Our subconscious doesn't like to let go of wounds, it likes to keep playing with them until they get resolved, aka proven to be false and replaced with a new reel of truth.
You can recognize a wound if you get angry or upset about something someone did and the feelings overtake you. Unless the thing that they did is enough to create its own new wound, it is probably a replay of a past wound that was triggered by something similar in the current situation. If you're able to take some quiet time to explore your reaction, you might find the theme and be able to link it back to the original wound.
To move past it, you need to retrace the wound, release unresolved feelings and work to find peace with it. This doesn't happen magically all at once, but each time the wound is triggered you'll have a new opportunity to call it out and work to replace it with truth.
The real truth, applicable to heal EVERY wound is that you are a child of God who is loved fiercely, unconditionally, and immensely and is wholly worthy of every bit of it. There is nothing you can do, or fail to do, that could ever reduce, remove, or even earn the love available to you every moment from the Father. We all are loved with this same love. No matter what. And it is available for us to share, and heal, and live joyfully within, without limits.
Ways to work to record new truth over the old wounded footage:
Our subconscious loves images. We have to work to engage our imagination to help create a new movie reel of good thoughts to overwrite the wounded images.
List all the people that love you.
Sit down and put pen to paper and think about all the people in your life who love you, care for you, support you, or would not wish ill of you. This is evidence that you are good. You are loveable. You are loved.
Fill your space with love.
Sit quietly and imagine all of the love on your list filling the room with you in it. Magnify it. It could burst open the walls. It fills all your cells, it rains down on you. This is God's love. It is even more immense than that. You are so loved by God that there is literally nothing else you need.
Now practice loving-kindness to yourself and imagine that love filling in your wound and healing it. Imagine that love overflowing to the source of the wound and onto any person or thing that was involved. You are safe. You are loved. You are healthy and strong. You are free from suffering. You live with peace, joy, happiness, and ease. (you can google Loving Kindness Meditation to go deeper here).
Now list out all of the things you are grateful for, especially surrounding the person or event by which you've been triggered. Look to find the good intentions. Attempt to see the situation from a higher perspective where they were not intending to hurt you, but managing their own situation the best they could. Finding things to be grateful for will help melt away those grievances you might still be holding on to.
Imagine your life free of this wound. Imagine your relationships without complication. Imagine your life full of love. What does it feel like, smell like, taste like, sound like? Remember memories from the past that are filled with love. Think about ways in the future you can fill your days with love. This sets the law of attraction in motion. Your subconscious will work to create a life that matches your dreams.
I'm Lisa Yau, thanks for stopping by!