I’m a farm girl.
I haven’t always been comfortable saying that.
I grew up feeding calves, throwing bales of hay from a wagon, tromping through the woods, making forts on the barn roof, biking to friends houses miles away by myself unannounced.
I wasn’t always grateful for the freedom, fresh air, and nature-oriented life that I had back then (one that I dream of for my son now). All I felt was how different I was from the cool town-kids whose chores were taking garbage to the curb or tending to their pool. I didn’t really feel like the farm life was valued and therefore I wasn’t valuing it as a part of my identity.
During college, in the city, with kids who came from the city I realized that where they were growing up they couldn’t see the stars or stay out late or disappear for hours like I could. I still felt different, although I saw a few upsides to my origins, but I hadn’t really reconciled it as something to be proud of. I was also really called towards business and technology and I had summized that there were no jobs for me in the country anyway so I kept shoving that part of me to the side to do city things where I thought my potential was.
Despite the subconscious dissonance I felt within I still had closet dreams of figuring out a fusion of the farm and the city. I didn’t want to be a dairy farmer. All love and respect to them because its a hard life and one I was not called to. I thought about bed and breakfast, Strawberry farm, pumpkin farm, stuff like that.
Meanwhile I was getting myself some good corporate experience. I love building websites and email campaigns and bringing authentic messages to people based on their needs. I love leading teams and encouraging people to use their strengths. Love that stuff and spent time volunteering for clubs doing it all too because it is my passion and I can’t get enough. I was so lucky to be exposed to companies with resources and training and abundance during such an important early chapter in my career.
Recently there was a chapter where I needed to understand that my health, my contributions, and **I** was valuable. I am not going to go through the whole story as there is plenty of coverage of that elsewhere in my blog but what is coming into focus for me about that chapter is that in denying pieces of myself such as where I came from, my inner voice, and my boundaries I had allowed it to eat away at me inside. Feelings buried alive never die.
But now!! In the midst of a chapter of healing I have unexpectedly found myself getting to do all of my favorite geeky passions working with a world-class company for which FARMS couldn’t be more important. First of all, they actually own their own farms. (The only EO company that does.) And even more importantly—THEY VALUE THEIR FARMERS.
You guys. I could literally cry thinking about this. Even with this thing that I had been diminishing, God has a plan and every experience has a place in it. I have literally been led here without knowing the way. All the things have been building towards this. After all this, I can embrace that piece of me that I had struggled to integrate because I’ve been led to a safe place where it is valued and respected. Where all my talents can be used. It is well with my soul.
Sometimes we just need that outside validation, right? I mean I am human after all.
We need to own ourselves as individuals, every piece of it. That is how we become whole.
But all of these little coincidences aren’t coincidences at all. It is all as it should be. I am embracing every piece of my life and I can’t help but look for which cool puzzle pieces will come together in the future that make sense of other things in my life!
What’s your identity? Are you fully embracing it? How have pieces of you been realized in unexpected ways?
and because God is so cool like this— today’s devotion talks about living into our identity. I just love these little winks from God. I had been writing this post for a few days and had finished it last night with plans to post it this morning. And waiting for me first thing was this awesome devotion. After today the scripture will disappear from the post but it is talking about Acts 5:27-33 where Peter and the Apostles are being harassed by the Sanhedrin for continuing to teach in Jesus name. The writer of the devotion gives a summary :). GO READ IT and go live your identity proudly and without fear! 💓🙌🌟
I'm Lisa Yau, thanks for stopping by!