I was the one whose cup needed to be filled today. We had our monthly ladies gathering and usually I'm most comfortable in the hostess role, serving others, filling others cups. Today I didn't feel up to it. I couldn't really put my finger on it. I even hesitated on committing to the date for weeks and couldn't figure out why it was so hard for me to just settle on a date which usually takes only a few minutes to pick.
After sort of floating through the day, I got home I realized that it's the anniversary of when I got diagnosed with Crohn's disease. The body remembers even when the thinking brain doesn't. That was a tough day, a tough procedure, pain and starving for weeks, and ultimately getting really hard news.
It's been 4 years. I've done a LOT of emotional work to process so much of what led to my disease and the effects the disease had on my family. I am in a really good place. But trauma and painful memories are like layers of an onion. You can heal and then another layer becomes exposed to teach you something new.
To be raw with you for a second, the theme emerging from this layer of healing is vulnerability and openness to receive. I've always aimed to be self-sufficient, never needing help, never inconveniencing anyone, never appearing weak. That's a huge factor of what got me so deep into the sickness to begin with.
The Lord has been revealing this to me over the past few weeks that it's time to start allowing people in and not being so hard of heart towards receiving love and help from others. It seems like literally every time I've been in mass over the last few weeks they sing The Servant Song. It brings me to tears every time I hear it and I know the Holy Spirit is working hard on me right now. The kicker of the song is not only about serving others, but "Pray that I might have the grace to let you be my servant too."
That day there was an angel nurse who spoke so much life into me. I was crying about my diagnosis (only about 15 minutes out of anesthesia, which is also such a cruel time to be given such news!) I have no idea what she said, but she gave me apple juice and she poured light all over the darkness that I was fighting. She was right, whatever she said. I survived it all and I am feeling amazing and I am healed. I claim that healing. I also claim the healing that is still happening today and tomorrow and every single day within me, my family, and right now with my willingness to show others that I need them and I can't keep trying to have it all together all the time.
I write as part of my healing. When I sat down I thought this post was going to be about forgiveness. Forgiving myself for the pain that we all went through. Allowing my body to forgive. Finding peace. But this lesson that's been knocking at my door for the past month just seemed to emerge as I sat at the keyboard. The Holy Spirit is so amazing and literally pursues you with loving hugs and signs and encouragement while carrying you through the next transformation -- if you're open to it. It feels so insane sometimes how personalized the messages can feel and how they can just come out of nowhere. This is life in the Holy Spirit and I love every second of it.
Taking kids to church is hard.
Taking a sensory-sensitive kid to church is no exception. The music and echoes are just so overwhelming. Not to mention the big statues and crowd of people. We had tried the family room -- the speaker was louder than the main area! It was crowded and messy and not comfortable. So we resigned ourselves to limiting his attendance to the main holidays when we HAD to go as a family, but hubby had to go out with him almost right away. We were anxious parents. No one wants to make a scene in church. It was just a hard situation.
I confess-- it was a battle I had stopped fighting. For the sake of our family sanity, I have been just going by myself. It was just less stressful that way. I need church to fill me up for the week and a whole ordeal with an overwhelmed child was not cup-filling. I just tried to bring enough grace home each week for the whole family.
A visiting family member recently asked why I don't take him with me. "It's complicated," I said.
But I know that was a prompting. I had even recently given encouragement to another person in a similar situation about bringing their special-needs child to church. It is funny how sometimes we resist taking our own advice even if we hand it out so easily.
I used to go to church and sit with my Grandma. Some of the most tender memories I have of my grandma were from sitting next to her holding her hand in church. She'd give me a piece of candy -- Werther's -- during the sermon which I thought was so special, but realize now was so I would stay quiet, lol. At this past Sunday's mass I witnessed a young girl and her Grandma and memories came flooding back to me. The closing hymn was also her favorite hymn. Another prompting.
Last night there was an evening healing mass and I am so in awe of that and I wanted to be there. It was at a time of day where I wouldn't easily be able to do a handoff to hubby to watch my son and I felt called to try anyway.
He did so great being quiet. Since it was the "daily mass" format, there was no singing and he commented that he was okay with it because there was no singing. When the priest sang the Alleluia he said "when will he be done singing?" lol. He had an iPad and sat on my lap and kept himself as calm as he could which I know was a gift from God. He was starting to get restless after the homily and I said "this is the important part coming up: when they turn that bread and wine into Jesus" You guys! You should have seen the wonder in his eyes. He sure did pay attention. And when they rang the bells I told him, "It's becoming Jesus." He focused right in on that trying to get that wonderful mystery figured out, along with the rest of us. ❤️
He started getting wiggly; there's a lot of up and down and crowd responses during this point in the Mass. Then we started the Lord's prayer and I just watched this peace come over him as he began to recognize the familiar words and he beamed as he told me "Mama this is OUR prayer!"
We were probably disruptive with our whispering and his game music (which we negotiated to keep at level 1 so he could still hear it). He didn't sit perfectly and politely next to me and rise and fall with the motions of the crowd the way I see other 5 year-olds do in Sunday Mass. It was not perfect from the outside, but to me, it was perfect. He received the wonder and grace and joy of the presence of the Eucharist--probably to a greater extent that night than most of the parishioners who habitually do the motions. He gained confidence in his ability to handle an unfamiliar and uncomfortable situation. And so did I.
Not sure if you're the same as me but I get caught thinking it has to be a certain way. That people think something about me. That if I can't do it the RIGHT WAY, then I should be ashamed, or that I shouldn't try because we don't fit.
But the truth is, Jesus is for everyone. I know this but sometimes I get tricked into not believing that to be true for my circumstances. The readings yesterday and today happen to be about children, the faith of a child. Of course they were! Because Jesus wanted us there! He wanted us to receive the gifts that He had waiting for us last night.
There is no shame in bringing children to church. It is hard, no matter what, but it is so good. It is so important. I have a renewed courage to make this a priority. It's definitely not Jesus who makes us feel shame or embarrassment or fear about our children's behavior in church-- it is the enemy. Even though I know the scriptures and know that we will receive grace, it can just feel so heavy and hard to fight that spiritual battle. But He makes a way for us if we seek it. I am so grateful that way was made for us last night and that I could tell you about it so that I may encourage others of you who can identify with this. Tuesday night mass might just be our new routine. See you there?
I am so thankful for this journey. I’ve been doing this now for almost 2 years and what I’ve learned is that people get into oils for many different reasons:
🤧 To avoid days off from work and school 🤒
☠️ To get toxins out of the home 🕯🧼
😌 To help provide support for a specific thing they or a loved one is dealing with.
It is a beautiful thing to watch people go from addressing a couple of things in daily life to finding a deeper level of overall wellness in body and mind: myself included!
I got into oils for sleep. I had a 3 year old and we were struggling. What I quickly found was that I was able to climb out from the dark place I was in and find so much hope and light and freedom from so many things I had been carrying by tuning into my emotional wellness and the capabilities that essential oils have to offer.
The body and mind and soul are inextricably connected and I’ve learned so many things about the link between emotions and wellness.
I wouldn’t be where I am today without YL oils, Jesus, the tenacity in making the changes I needed to make to allow myself to let go of what wasn’t serving me, and this community and all of the resources that come along with it.
As a result of my life-changing experiences I have a passion is about emotional wellness, emotional release the body/mind/soul connection, and the healing power of Christ. I believe we cannot fully be well without balancing all of those things.
I have amassed a ton of knowledge on the subject and I am just leaning into where it will lead me next.
I recorded this video on Facebook to share my heart and gratitude for how far I've come, and rather than typing it all out, I just wanted to share with you here too.
it's January. it's that time of the year when we all feel called to make some changes. i urge you to be intentional. if you really want to make significant change, you need to go all in, identify the various ways in your life that support your goal. otherwise you are just confusing your mind, waffling around making some choices and others that aren't in line with your goal and you are wasting energy.
the reason commitment is so important? because it takes time and energy to make a change and you are going to have to put in the work. it took how many months for your situation to accumulate, based on your lifestyle, choices or other circumstances. unless you just had an acute injury caused by a single episode (in which case you probably want to consult a doctor) (and even then) it is going to take some commitment to unravel the thing that you need to change. this is literally true in any circumstance. want to lose weight? running one day isn't going to do it. want to get a handle on your emotions? one therapy session isn't going to fix it all. haven't washed your car in months? it's going to need a scrub. not to say that you can't have a result quickly but in most cases it is not reasonable to expect an immediate change from a single action or application. to see change in any area of your life you need to make a commitment.
it’s a waste of your time if you don’t go all in and give it your all for a little while. when we're talkingabout essential oils, getting one bottle here or there or even a sample to address something is not going to give you results to write home about. i've been there. i tried that thing, and it got me nowhere until i made the commitment to really give it my focus and to make the other lifestyle changes that i needed to make to get myself on the path to success to real transformation. you have to make the commitment to make the change in your lifestyle to support your body to do what it does best. for example essential oils are going to help you cleanse toxins, but if you're still using the blue cleaners and the black warning label toothpaste and burning candles and using plug ins you aren't going to get anywhere because you are just refilling the cup with junk every day. or essential oils can help you with emotional balancing but you need to stop feeding your mind with negative thoughts and do the work to get in alignment with yourself and God about who you are and what your purpose is and why you are here and what you are made for and what your worth really is.
to get a little sciency on you-- essential oils support your body by creating more favorable conditions for your body to do the things it already knows how to do: to detox, restore, rebalance, heal. each body is balanced differently so just like we have different food preferences, we are also individually attracted to different oils for similar situations. And just like several fruits have similar vitamins but in different combinations, several oils have properties that can address a given situation. for example there are a lot of reasons why a person might be having trouble sleeping. there are a lot of oils that can have an impact on a persons sleep, and what works for one person will address their reason for not sleeping, but another option will address another person's situation better.
this is why there is a starter kit. and this is why the starter kit is designed the way it is designed. it takes the burden off of you to design your perfect plan for execution by giving you all the tools you need to start off on the right path. it truly does not benefit you to start out with an oil or two and "see how it goes." it's not going to go anywhere! these things need to work together in harmony to give you the best outcome and the starter kit gives you an opportunity to replace the things you're using everyday to give you the best possible environment for them to be able to work therapeutically in your body. the 11 oils are the most versatile and popular oils to handle most everyday needs and among them actually have several options to approach those common things so that you can experiment with what works best for your particular body and your particular situation. this isn't just a business scheme, the company literally gives these away at half the retail price (plus, right now an extra 10% discount til the 14th.) because it is THE RIGHT WAY to get started, not because it is the most profitable. they would be doing you a disservice if they did it any other way because it wouldn't set a strong foundation for you to get comfortable, find what works, and quickly make the changes necessary for you to start seeing results. the customer is the one getting the best deal in this situation.
so, when you're ready to make a commitment to yourself, i'm here and i am so excited for you. it's not hard. yes there is a learning curve. yes there is an adjustment period, and it is an investment. but if you ask me and thousands of others it is sooo worth it. and there is a tremendous amount of support available and all those people who have gone before you who have experienced positive change to cheer you on! i can't wait to run along side you as you open yourself up to the healing and transformation that you can experience if you just make the choice to go all in and see what it can do for you.
it is a delicate dance with this boy. mustering courage to lead him where i am not confident myself, but also listening for him to lead me too; to show me what is too far, what is too much, and then taking the feedback and attempting to strike a compromise between fear and growth, not heeding too much of one or the other. in other ways he is racing ahead and i feel i am not enough to keep up with his interests and energy and high level of need. this is the daily push and pull and nuance with which our gifts beseech us. it is literally as if a new person is being birthed in me and i continue to labor - the expansion ever occurring in fits and starts over and over again.
it's a challenge to feel understood. he feel things more intensely than it seems others do, and in this rebirth, i am (re)discovering and learning to accept my sensitivities and the impact that his have on me as well, whether it is by empathetic exchange or epigenetics or just an awakening to something that has always been, it is real to me now as it is for him. regular activities need a great deal of planning, energy, and modulation. transitions are ripe with anxiety of anticipating and planning the next scene as i work to reassure him and answer for myself: do i know what to expect? have i been through this before? will the stimuli be too overwhelming? will i have a safe place? what will i do if it gets too hard? will i be accepted? will anyone understand me? why is this so hard for me? on the converse his passion and focus are unparalleled. he is an excellent communicator and he is exploring topics well above age-level.
in this journey i am being refined. i am being called to examine how outside opinions or perceptions affect my behavior and the choices i make. i am being challenged to be an advocate for myself and my family. to stand tall in my own circumstances and not look side to side. i must determine what we need and take action. make sacrifices. be courageous. no one else can do this for me. these are my lifelong weaknesses that are now in the spotlight. those are the things that my motherhood brings.
i find myself wishing for easier circumstances and envious of an alternate reality; feeling 'not enough' for this one. but that's not really the truth. of course there is no mistake in the way things are and we are given what we are given for a perfect purpose. i am blessed with this reality and just like labor, i shall ride the waves of expansion (contractions) and wait for a moment of rest before the next wave. in my "mindful birthing" training i was reminded that each moment in itself is tolerable, it is only overwhelming or scary or painful when we look too broadly. therefore, i shall follow each breath and call upon the spirit for guidance in each moment. and look back over the growth that we all are going through as the clock ticks by.
I am the mom of a Gifted 4 year old with Sensory Processing Disorder. we've known since birth that there was something special about him but it's been a journey of understanding and acceptance and navigating a challenging system where it's hard to get answers, hard to be believed, and hard to find support, and our life is unfolding with lots of grace from God as we are led just where we need to be, step by step. we don't have it all figured out and we don't need to but we are doing our best, and let that be enough.
Resources and more info:
Warning: Parenting a Gifted Child May Be Hazardous to your (Mental) Health Grayson School
It’s not just in your head: Self-care for moms of gifted children Not So Formulaic
A few posts ago I was referring to my word in 2018. It was actually a couple of words - "Calm Confidence"
I was working on my vision board for myself, my family, and my business and while I was making my lists, it hit me what my word should be this year.
Right. I had to laugh. You know you're on the right path when it doesn't seem like you would have chose it if you were really calling the shots. haha. I mean what a dork, I coudn't just settle for "freedom" or "unburdened" or "liberated" or something less nerdy? I even negotiated with myself that it should be "light" instead. And that is definitely the runner up. Or it might be the one that I actually tell people lol so that I don't feel like such a weiner for my dramatic word choice.
Our team is making a necklace with our word. I mean I have to put that on jewelry?
But, the spirit was clear. That is the one.
It's so right. I get in my own way so often. I let other things get in my way. I walk heavy.
So, this year, I am going to travel light. I am going to ditch excuses. I am going to just do the dang thing. I am allowed to enjoy the process. I am allowed to let life flow to me. I am allowed to move forward!
i am light,
i am free
i advance with ease
What's your word for 2019?
Last January I had a bug in my bonnet that I was going to make some changes. I was going to get active, I was going to get control of my anxiety, and I was going to surrender to God and start to tune in to where he was really leading me.
I started Monique McLean's 21 Days of Prayer on January 2 last year. It is so good. Although i have to admit I have to watch it on 1.5x speed because she is a bit wordy and I need to keep things moving. I also have to admit it took me more than 21 days. But it was very very transformative for me. I also did the Feelings Protocol at the same time for the month of January and I have to say that they were perfect compliments to each other.
I am starting it again this January and I want to invite you to join me. We don't have to start on exactly the same day or compare notes if you don't want to (but if you do, I'd be delighted to, that's my passion!) I think it is such a wonderful way to start the new year.
Since last year she's jazzed up the setup and it's really nice, over at youinfuse.com. I get nothing for sending you over there but I highly recommend it for your own growth! There's also a workbook that I purchased to go with it this year, but it is not a requirement to do the study. Go, check it out. I'll wait here.
Drop me a message if you're planning to do it! I'd love to cheer you on in my prayers.
Have a blessed Christmas and I am sending you all the best for your best year yet in 2019.
Last December I got myself this gift. It’s in my bathroom and I look at it every day. Last December I did not have any self-worth or courage. I was riddled with anxiety. I was sort of a loose cannon. I had literally just felt the call to start my business and was being swept up with a current of momentum in my soul that wasn’t going to heed my mind’s protests or hesitation with this plan laid out before me. So, in the business, we went through the exercise of picking a word for 2018 and I chose “calm confidence” because I had seen that phrase used to describe Sacred Mountain, (which had made me “get” what oils were all about) and I knew I’d need lots of it this year.
What a year it has been. In the beginning I was faking the confidence part, and lacking on the calm. In the middle I realized my word should be humility. I had started the year trying to compensate for where I lacked, but I had over-corrected. The difference between artificial growth and authentic growth is humility.
I faced some big scary self-development truths this year. I experienced unbelievable healing on several fronts, and it was all by the grace of a God who was going before me, leading me on a yoke through hills and valleys, giving me rest, giving me challenges, giving me blessings in the form of people and support and angels to guide me towards unprecedented growth.
I am just where I am meant to be. I just keep saying yes to the next step, and hanging on through the next lesson, and allow myself to be molded and formed for a greater purpose. And somewhere along the way when I wasn’t looking for it, that calm confidence did show up. 🙌
I'm thinking hard about my new word for 2019. I know that setting intentions is very powerful and I am full of faith that this journey will continue to lead me to new opportunities, new heights, and new challenges for the glory of God!
What's your word for 2019??
Do you feel in touch with your dreams and the things you are called to do in this life?
If you’re feeling a little stuck or uninspired, try these things.
1. Get quiet. Spend some time meditating and envisioning what your future looks like and listen for divine inspiration.
2. Examine your strengths and gifts. Those are the breadcrumbs to finding our paths.
3. Focus on any beliefs you have that are limiting your ability to dream. Do you feel worthy of good things in your future? Do you have thoughts about what is available to you that cast a narrow boundary on your options? What can you do to invest in expanding your view to accept that life is for you, not against you? Spend some time thinking about ways you’ve been limiting yourself and work to expand your perspective.
4. Focus on how you want to feel, or how you might impact others, rather than material things. Our soul craves meaning which is deeper than material objects and we are more likely to achieve big things if we have altruistic visions in mind.
Widen Your Scope
God created you (and every person on planet Earth) with several parts. Like a pie with separate pieces, each part is critical to who you are; and all of these parts must be considered when you set goals.
Health & Wellness
Start thinking about what you hope these areas will look like 3-6 months from now.
Importance of Affirmations
For those of you who aren’t familiar with the benefits of positive affirmations, I’d like to explain a little about them. An affirmation is really anything you say or think. A lot of what we normally say and think is quite negative and doesn’t create good experiences for us. We have to retrain our thinking and speaking into positive patterns if we want to change our lives.
An affirmation opens the door. It’s a beginning point on the path to change. In essence, you’re saying to your subconscious mind: “I am taking responsibility. I am aware that there is something I can do to change.” When I talk about doing affirmations, I mean consciously choosing words that will either help eliminate something from your life or help create something new in your life.
Louise Hay is the queen of affirmations and she has a ton of really good ones here. Look at her examples and choose 2-3 of them or write your own that you can put on your vision board.
Why Vision Boards Work
What we focus on expands. When you create a vision board and place it in a space where you see it often, you essentially end up doing short visualization exercises throughout the day. Visualization is one of the most powerful mind exercises you can do.
Our brains love pictures and we unconsciously work to achieve whatever messages we tell ourselves most.
So, what's the big secret to creating a vision board that works? It's simple: Your vision board should focus on how you want to feel, not just on things that you want. Don't get me wrong, it's great to include the material stuff, too. However, the more your board focuses on how you want to feel, the more it will come to life.
It doesn't have to be perfectly pretty or curated. Put thoughts and pictures that you want to bring into focus regularly. Don't go overboard. I think 3-5 themes is a sweet spot.
Ever get into a funk where you feel pretty lonely, unloved, or just down? I tend to have a few of these days every month, where it feels like no one is there for me and I am so weak and I crave connection and love to "fix me."
When I am in the middle of it, it certainly doesn't feel like a lie. I am convinced that everyone is selfish and doesn't care about me, and isn't tuned in to what I need. I fixate on all the things that aren't happening, or aren't there. Where I have fallen short, where others have fallen short. But. Reality Check: We are all imperfect beings in an imperfect world and nearly no one is purposely shafting anyone, especially in the love department.
I have wounds from the past which make me vulnerable to fall into the pit of feeling unloved. It's a program that my subconscious wrote a long time ago when I was in a situation that I didn't have the resources to navigate and so the pattern and the script I repeated was "I am not worthy of love", as a (flawed) logical deduction from the situation at hand. The true reality of the situation was much more complicated than that and I've since learned that it actually had very little to do with me, and certainly nothing to do with my worthiness of love. But, those programs take a lot of effort to deconstruct! In moments of weakness it is second nature to jump to them like a well-worn path that feels familiar and ironically comforting, if not also miserable. It takes vigilance to wake up from the automatic execution of these patterns and stop them from barreling forward into a pit of self-deprecation.
We all have wounds from some thing or another from the past that are connected to lies that we repeat to ourselves. These things can pop up in present day in odd places, in the midst of healthy relationships: a re-enactment of old footage in present day. Our subconscious doesn't like to let go of wounds, it likes to keep playing with them until they get resolved, aka proven to be false and replaced with a new reel of truth.
You can recognize a wound if you get angry or upset about something someone did and the feelings overtake you. Unless the thing that they did is enough to create its own new wound, it is probably a replay of a past wound that was triggered by something similar in the current situation. If you're able to take some quiet time to explore your reaction, you might find the theme and be able to link it back to the original wound.
To move past it, you need to retrace the wound, release unresolved feelings and work to find peace with it. This doesn't happen magically all at once, but each time the wound is triggered you'll have a new opportunity to call it out and work to replace it with truth.
The real truth, applicable to heal EVERY wound is that you are a child of God who is loved fiercely, unconditionally, and immensely and is wholly worthy of every bit of it. There is nothing you can do, or fail to do, that could ever reduce, remove, or even earn the love available to you every moment from the Father. We all are loved with this same love. No matter what. And it is available for us to share, and heal, and live joyfully within, without limits.
Ways to work to record new truth over the old wounded footage:
Our subconscious loves images. We have to work to engage our imagination to help create a new movie reel of good thoughts to overwrite the wounded images.
List all the people that love you.
Sit down and put pen to paper and think about all the people in your life who love you, care for you, support you, or would not wish ill of you. This is evidence that you are good. You are loveable. You are loved.
Fill your space with love.
Sit quietly and imagine all of the love on your list filling the room with you in it. Magnify it. It could burst open the walls. It fills all your cells, it rains down on you. This is God's love. It is even more immense than that. You are so loved by God that there is literally nothing else you need.
Now practice loving-kindness to yourself and imagine that love filling in your wound and healing it. Imagine that love overflowing to the source of the wound and onto any person or thing that was involved. You are safe. You are loved. You are healthy and strong. You are free from suffering. You live with peace, joy, happiness, and ease. (you can google Loving Kindness Meditation to go deeper here).
Now list out all of the things you are grateful for, especially surrounding the person or event by which you've been triggered. Look to find the good intentions. Attempt to see the situation from a higher perspective where they were not intending to hurt you, but managing their own situation the best they could. Finding things to be grateful for will help melt away those grievances you might still be holding on to.
Imagine your life free of this wound. Imagine your relationships without complication. Imagine your life full of love. What does it feel like, smell like, taste like, sound like? Remember memories from the past that are filled with love. Think about ways in the future you can fill your days with love. This sets the law of attraction in motion. Your subconscious will work to create a life that matches your dreams.
I'm Lisa Yau, thanks for stopping by!